Insights into a Bimbo's Mind

29th October 2007, 7.00am, Narrrling and I walked hand-in-hand into SJMC to have our lives altered forever. Not knowing what to really expect and what will happen, I put up a brave front, occasionally cracking a lame joke here and there as we took the elevator up to the 4th floor.

We were put up in one of those labor wards, the anaethesian came in and did his thing and before I knew it, I was lying in bed waiting for it to happen. The doctor came in and checked me and said I already had a 3cm dilation. The plan was that I was put on epidural and then induced. Since I had such a good start and knowing that the doctor has got clinic duties at 2pm, I was expecting to have my baby out by noon. Ah, such confidence I had.

So the wait started. The nurse would come in every hour to check my dilations. Since I was on the epidural, I didn't feel any pain so the beginning of my labor experience started off as one boring wait. At some point, Narrrling whipped out 2 copies of his MBA assignment and we started going through it.

"Wah this part must change! Doesn't quite connect to the previous paragraph"

"Apa Ni! This word wrong spelling lar."

"Eh, how come this word is spelt as socialise here but socialize there? Better standartise it ok!"

The nurse came in to check on my dilations a couple of times, and after about 3 hours, I was only 4 cm dilated. Don't forget, I came in already with 3cms of dilations. The nurse came in, saw us and asked, "What are you doing?"

We gave her a sheepish smile, "Narrrling's MBA assignment.. heehee"..

Then at some point, we finished the assignment. I got bored again, I whipped out my handphone and sms-ed Beng. "Eh, I'm giving birth now you know. Doctor ask me to put my phone away but since we so best fren, nevermind lar.. I sms you ok?"

Beng took this as a permission to forward my message to the whole world saying, "Miki-C is in labor now. Still got mood to talk cock with me so i guess she's ok lah!"

So Beng and I started sms-ing.

"What are you doing now?"

"Waiting for my dilations to reach 10cm. I've been waiting already for 3 hours ok. Now still 4.5cm"

"How come your dilations so slow? What you doing now?"

"I'm watching James Bond movie on Astro now. Maybe the excitement of the show is slowing down my dilations"

With this, Beng sent out another bout of messages to my friends saying that I'm watching a James Bond movie during labor.

"And now, what you doing?"

"Putting make up.. Nothing to do lar.."

The nurse, coming in on the 5th hour, told me that my dilations has only reached 5cms, which means that in the last 5 hours, I've only dilated 2 cm. Seeing what a good time I was having, she decreased the dosage of my epidural, saying that my legs were getting a bit too numb. OK... and THAT's when it all started to hurt. Beng sent me a follow up sms and I replied with some profanities.

He said, "Ok, now you must be in REAL labor."

On the 6th hour, the doctor came in and checked me. Still 5cms of dilations and since the progress was soooo slow, the doctor told me that we might have to consider an emergency caesarian. The baby's been trying very hard to come out and the top of his head's a bit swollen cos he's been pushing very hard through that feeble 5cms of dilations. Narrrling and I talked it over and we decided to go for the caesarian. Plus, it was really starting to hurt!

Immediately I was prepared for a caesarian and on the 7th hour, I was wheeled away to the Operation Theatre in another floor. In SJMC, the Operation Theatre doesn't allow the spouses to enter. And as I was wheeled away on my own by a bunch of strangers, a sudden wave of sadness came over me and my eyes became teary. Seeing the image of Narrrling growing smaller and smaller as I was wheeled into the Operation theatre suddenly made me realize that I was going to be going through this birth thing all alone and fear and loneliness kicked in. It felt like my world was suddenly taken over by a group of strange people dressed like smurfs in their blue uniform and caps and masks. Each person doing their own thing on me, some sticking needles into me, some taping some round stickers onto my chest, some tying my upper arm with some band like thingy, some positioning and strapping me down in a spread-eagle hands apart style and lastly, a huge blue cloth was draped over my face so that my entire world suddenly became nothing but blue... And the procedure began.

With epidural, I still felt what they were doing to me except I didn't feel any pain. I felt them cutting me, I felt them putting their hands inside, pulling, pushing and tugging.. One smurf decided to be nice and came by, lifted my blue curtain and told me, “Madam C, don’t worry, it’ll be over very soon, they’re cutting through the 5th layer now..”

I guess that was supposed to be really comforting. Then I heard the doctor say to her assistant, “You push, I pull. Ok ready? One two three! Again! One two three! Again! ONE TWO THREE!!”

And suddenly, I heard my baby cry…. I was expecting them to throw open my blue curtain and show me my baby but they didn’t. Instead I heard my baby being taken away, his cries getting softer and softer. A wave of emotions came over me again, “Why can’t they show me my baby? I want to see my baby!”

All I could hear was my baby cry in the distance and all I could see was the blue curtain over my face while I was lying there helplessly strapped down. The epidural was also making me shiver violently. It was cold and lonely and how I wish Narrrling were there with me.

“Miki-C, you ok? We’re going to close the openings and stitch you up now, ok?”

Those were the doctor’s last words before another series of pulling and tugging started over my stomach while I lay there shivering under the blue curtained world. At some point, the doctor and her assistant started chatting,

"Eh you know the angkasawan’s brother died? Poor thing ah. He’s only…."

"I delivered quintuplets last month.. Nobody wanted to take the case but I…"

At some point I even tried to participate in their conversation so I said, "What is quintuplets again? 5? 8?"

Both doctor and assistant went quiet for a while, I guess they didn't expect me to be so sociable in that state, you know with my guts and stomach cut open and lying about. After about 3 seconds of silence, the doctor hastily answered me and continued her story, this time more conscious that I'm listening in as well.

And I was lying there half listening to these conversations and at the same time, pining for Narrrling and my baby. I could still hear his loud cries from another room and I started to wonder about the color of his hair, his weight, his height… Why can’t they show me my baby??!!
After what seemed like the longest time, they finally brought my baby to my little world behind the blue curtain and said, “Madam C, this is your baby. Check ah, your tag number is 79992 and the baby’s also wearing the same number tag, 79992. Ok? Now we bring the baby to the nursery”

And that was it… I saw my baby for about 5 seconds before they sent him away…

I lay there afterwards, thinking about the little squirmy blue-ish baby I just saw, half listening to the doctor and her assistant’s continuous chatter. Gosh, it’s getting so uncomfortable lying there with my hands wide apart, shivering like crazy. It’s been almost an hour since I was in the Operations theatre and I couldn’t wait for the procedure to end. I wanted to get back to Narrrling, to more familiar places and faces.

When the procedure finally ended, I was so glad when they took off the straps on both my hands, I started waving my hands in the air because it was just getting so sore being tied down for so long. Just when I thought they were going to wheel me back to my room, they brought me to another room, saying that I had to be monitored before going back to my ward. So there I lay, shivering and shivering (side effects of the epidural), with one lady on my right who looked like she was in real pain because she was screaming out from time to time and on my left, an unconscious man who looked like he just underwent a sex change operation.

I comforted myself with thoughts that I’m the best one off among the 3 of us there. I just had a baby and amidst the shivering and pain and loneliness at that point of time, that is one of the most joyful moments of my life.

I also know that later when I’m wheeled back to my room, there’ll be someone there waiting for me..

And yes, that’s right, on a Monday evening of 29th October 2007, Hayden Nie Wen Walraven @ Mini-N came to this world. Welcome on board, baby… Now, another part of our lives begins together…