Perfect Guys are a Myth
When I was young, I always thought it was my destiny to marry a doctor. As a toddler, I was placed with a baby sitter who has 3 sons who use to tease and kid me around like a baby. They all grew up and became handsome young doctors. It was a sign.As I grew up, I developed this liking for doctors, maybe because my mother’s a nurse. When I missed the school bus home, I would walk to her clinic after school and hung around until her shift ends so that we could go home together. So that familiar Dettol scent and all those tools and gadgets used in a clinic, I grew up dancing around them. Any patients who starts to doodle this lil girl who runs around wildly in the clinic, I would very proudly tell them, “MY MOTHER IS A NURSE!” and I almost expected them to envy me for it. Yeah, I loved that lil run down clinic, I loved the smell, I loved everything about it.. So I thought, maybe one day, I should marry a doctor!
I met the guy of my dreams when I was in my early university years. Yes, don’t try to count my age but that must have been a decade ago. He was a 2nd year medical student in an Australian university and we met when he was back in KL for holidays. He's tall, well spoken, good looking, funny and charismatic. I fell in love with him when he told me one day with those blurry eyes, "When I am a doctor someday, I will make sure i talk to my patients and really hear what they have to say. That is the ONLY way to make an accurate diagnosis."
I thought, “Wow… I am the luckiest girl in the world because he is JUST SOOOoo ideal. My very own PERFECT guy!!”
One thing I’ve learnt over the years, is that there really is no perfect guy and all good things always come to an end, sometimes faster than you can anticipate. He went back to Australia to continue with 3rd year of prestigious medical school and oh, he sure broke my heart… and soul… I bawled my eyes out for months…After that heartbreak, I kept my distance away from him… He came back the following year for 3rd year semester break and called me. I kept my cool tone and avoided him at all expense. He drove 40kms to my university residence and called me. He was standing downstairs of my flat looking up and still, I told him to go home. I refused to see him. I woke up the next day, and saw that he left me a present in my mail box.
The first few years, he continued to call me from time to time, I continued to avoid him at all expense. Never am I going to let someone so perfect come near my heart again. Then he gave up and for the last 5 years or so, we never contacted each other… I do admit, that this guy has burned a very strong mark in me and I would occasionally still google his name to see what he was up to…. He graduated from that prestigious medical school of his, went to Singapore to practice and is pursuing surgery…
Yes, we’ve lost contact for many years now.. but a few weeks ago, as I was scrambling into the car with about 20 bags of groceries in my hand, my phone rang.. As usual, my phone always ring at the most inconvenient time.. I dropped all the grocery bags and started rummaging through my handbag for my darn phone! It was an unfamiliar number. As Narrrling started picking up the bags i dropped one my one, I pressed that lil’ green button to answer the call.. “Hello?”
“Hello?… Hey.. Miki?”
“Yes, speaking. Who’s that?”
“It’s T, remember me?”
It took me a while to register, Oh my God, it’s T!! Next to me, Narrrling started driving us out of the car park..
“Oh, Hi T!! It’s…it’s… been a long time...”
“Yeah, it has, huh… and you still have that sweet voice of yours… How are you?”
“Good… good… and you? Are you back in KL?”
“Yeah, back in KL now.”
“For good?”
“Oh, no no.. I’m in Singapore now. Practicing in GH.”
There was an awkward silence… I wasn’t sure what else to say.. In fact, this guy has been out of my mind for so long, I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore.. Then he said..
“Hey.. so how have you been? Married already?”
“Me? Oh yeah.. I got married early last year.”
“Oh…”
We paused again with another awkward silence… Then he broke the silence again and said..
“Which guy is this? Is it anyone I know?”
“No, don’t think you know him.” I said this as I turned to look at Narrrling who was driving next to me as he turned and made a silly face with a silly grin, baring his teeth at me. Narrrling knew I was talking to somebody special from the past about him and as usual, wanted me to laugh because now it’s too late and I’m stuck with this Narrrling who has a silly face.
“Oh… hey, congratulations!”
“Thanks!…. And you? When is it your turn?”
“Me? Ohh, actually, I’m getting married in 2 weeks”
When I heard that, I was puzzled.. but ofcourse, I continued the graceful act.. I congratulated him and after another minute or two of empty conversations, we hung up. And that was it… It was the weirdest phone call…
My mind started spinning, why would he call me after what must have been… 5 years of non-communications?? And why call me 2 weeks before his wedding? I’m sure it’s not like he wanted to invite me… because he sure didn’t mention it throughout our call…. Oh well, maybe he genuinely just wanted to catch up... but who has time to call old friends to catch up 2 weeks before their wedding?...
I was telling Su3 about this yesterday.. She still remembered the day she had to come over to my place because I was crying so badly over the phone… She came by and sat with me while I cried and cried and cried for hours…It was not every day that you chance upon the man of your dreams…and lost it… I went on crying for 3 months and eventually only got over this ‘perfect guy’ after 2 years.. That was the biggest heartbreak I’ve ever gone through in my life..
And that phone call, although I’m still wondering what it was all about, to me, it’s a closure…. It turns the last page of my dreams about doctors and perfect guys.... because Narrrling with his silly face is my imperfectly perfect version of the man I’d like to spend the rest of my life with..And being imperfectly perfect is the best anyone can ever get because from experience I know, there is really no such thing as a perfect guy..
posted by Miki-C @ 10:49 AM
6 Comments:
That's ironic. I just blogged about this. All I can say is that there are no perfect people to be in a relationship with save for one, which most of us never find and fewer still never be with.
What's left for the rest of us are perfect relationships we can have between imperfect people. The kind that at the end of it we pursue with all our heart and leave everything to chance rather than beating ourselves about it later on in regret and wonderment.
2 years to get over and then another 5 for closure ... Miki-C, I think I die kau kau lah like this!
hmmm....i too blogged about something similar...yup...he's getting married too...
i suppose its a closure for me too. :>
you are so right. no perfect man. none of us are perfect anyway.
i guess the imperfect ones are the perfect ones as we and our lives are imperfect itself, isn't it?
and it is very stressful to be perfect anyway!
i guess he just wanna hear your voice to be sure that he is sure he is marrying the right person!
Thanks for sharing this, Miki-C. It really resonates something within myself. Perhaps, I can offer a possible explanation from the point of your doctor friend, from my own experience.
I am also a doctor who studied overseas. Before I left, I knew a girl who really captured my heart, although we were never an item. However, I did not dare to commit to a long distance relationship for so many years ahead. My excuse then was that it would not be fair to make her wait so long, it would affect my studies etc...etc..Now that I am older, I have to admit that it was due to lack of "emotional strength and courage" on my part. She was always on my mind. Some years later when I felt that I was ready.....alas, I found out that she had just got married.
I had often wondered if she knew how I felt about her and whether she had felt anything for me. Three years ago, I happened to meet her again at a party. She came up to me, called my name and asked "do you still remember me?" The tone of her voice and expression on her face said it all. I had let my soulmate slipped away from me...all those 20 years ago! It was a poignant moment. She was as beautiful as ever. I still think of her often.
Perhaps, you should have given him a second chance...at least to explain himself. But hey, who am I to say..perhaps some things are never meant to be. Hope you have a great life.
Aww.
This little anecdote was so poignant, and bittersweet. :|
I stumbled across this site googling "confinement is bullsh*t" and your honest writings really captured my attention, especially this post.
You're right, there isn't such a thing as the perfect guy.
But there will always be the guy who sticks by your through and through despite all and that man, I believe, regardless of love or whatever else, is the man who truly does.
I don't want to put a descriptive after the "does" because I want there to be a mental word which sub consciously appears.
But he just does.
Keep blogging. :)
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