Insights into a Bimbo's Mind

How do I say my last goodbyes?

Monday, November 14, 2005

Tonight, the doctor told my parents to take my grandmother home because there’s nothing they can do for her anymore. With this, the family has decided to send her back to the humble village of Chemor, about 50 kilometers north of Ipoh. Tomorrow, I was to go to the hospital to see off the ambulance that will carry my grandmother home, where she will live out the rest of her days, where my grandfather was buried. The doctor says that if she is very lucky, she will live for another month. Tomorrow could be possibly the last time I’ll ever see my grandmother alive. How do I make myself fully take in the fact that after tomorrow, this person I’ve taken for granted all my life might cease to exist? Normally people pass on and we have no choice but to accept the fact that they are gone. But tomorrow, she’ll still be there, right in front of me, though weak and frail but she’s alive and exists. She’s still my grandmother. How can I possibly believe that very soon she will be gone? How do I say my last goodbyes?

Narrrling says, passing on might be not be a bad thing for my grandmother. All the people in her generation, her husband, her siblings, her friends have all passed on to the next life but yet, she is still here with us, taking care of us right till the very last moments before she had her stroke. It has been our blessing through and through to have had her for so long but maybe it’s right for her now to want to be with the rest of the people who were closest to her in her own life. Maybe it’s right for her now to want happiness of her own in the afterlife.

Grandma, it’s so difficult to say this.. but… goodbye for now.. We’ll see you again..

posted by Miki-C @ 1:44 PM