Insights into a Bimbo's Mind

Wild, Wild grass of yesterday..

Last night, I stumbled upon a photo of her again in his PC. Sometimes I wonder why it seems impossible to avoid her. This walk down lavender valley was supposed to be perfect with no wild grasses of yesterday. Yet, I keep finding them every time I explore a new corner of this beautiful valley. I was looking at photographs of how his place looked like before my time. Before my time? That was a time in space when the lavender valley was a totally different garden. A patch of history that till today still makes little appearances in what is supposed to be MY lavender valley. MY world. MY time. My, my and mine. Yet, is it really?

I stared at her picture for a while and she stared back at me, as if questioning me, “Why are you here? Don’t you know this PC still has MY name on it? He hasn’t even removed my name on this pc. This is still my garden.”

I replied to her, “This is not! You’re the past now. And I’m NOT threatened by you.”

Yet I know, deep down inside, I was weak. I knew I was threatened. I’ve seen wild grasses at work. They have roots planted so deep that at anytime, they threaten to break out onto the surface of the earth again, eliminating all other life forms, overtaking the entire garden. Reviving history..

Then I thought to myself, she even looks nice in this picture. Why does ex-girlfriends always have this effect on us? The citadel of self-confidence we took years to build collapses in a mere few seconds. Ex-girlfriends always seem to have bigger eyes, better complexion, and longer legs. They’re somehow always more accomplished, brighter and smarter.. And us ourselves, we are always goofy, silly, and on top of that, a million other faults within ourselves. Then I wonder, is this really an issue of a superior ex-girlfriend or an issue of lack of self-confidence? Perhaps it is the latter.

Zooming back into present tense, my walk down lavender valley has been beautiful and according to him, I am beautiful too. We have a beautiful relationship of love, mutual-support and understanding which sometimes I feel at times of high self-confidence, even those big eyes and intellectual achievements won’t scratch the surface of ‘us’.

Perhaps we all need to let go and forget the past. Dr. Mahathir needs to let go and stop thinking that there are still communists lurking around our peninsular forests.

She needs to let go, find her own life and start a new garden of her own. After all, she was the one who first decided to leave this garden she's inhabited for 7 years. Why come back ever?

And I, i need to help my little garden along to a new life in my time, my world, my lavender valley... If you promise you'll never look back, i promise i'll always walk ahead with you.

posted by Miki-C @ 1:12 PM