Insights into a Bimbo's Mind

Insomniac Ramblings

It’s 4.50am and uggh, it’s one of those nights I stay awake all night, don’t ask me why. If you ask a fortune teller, he will as a matter of factly tell you something like, “Your star is in the house of Neptune, that’s why.” as if expecting you to know exactly what it means. If you ask a doctor, without a hint of doubt, he will tell you something probably to the effect of, “Your esophagus released an anti-oxidant chemical reaction into your blood, passing these neuron signals to your brain saying that you have had enough sleep for the night”…. Ok maybe that sounds a bit far-fetched, but come on, don’t expect a bimbo like me to give you medical quotes that makes sense, especially in the middle of the night like this.. I mean, even big words like ‘anti-oxidant’, I only know because they seem to have a lot of that nowadays in facial products. At least I chose my words carefully or I would have used words like SPF15 and anti-UV as well.

I never thought I was ever going to be insomniac at any level. When I was younger, I was the champion sleeper. When I finally get out of bed, with my au-naturel ‘lalang’ hairstyle, I would drag my feet downstairs to find the house quite empty, only with that crazy dog waiting for me, looking oh-so-restless because he can’t wait till I found out which of my poor friend or neighbour or family member he attacked and bit that morning. After breakfast and all, I could very well have gone back to bed to continue that sweet dream about that same Hong Kong star I try to dream about every night.

Now, almost 10 years later, here I am sitting here in the middle of the night staring at my pc screen, no sleep and worse still, no Hong Kong star and instead, a huge heap of white-skinned belly heaving up and down with deep breathing next to me. I am so tempted to smack that up and down heaving belly, simply to wake him up because I’m bored and need some attention. After some sophisticated algebra-tic and statistical calculations, I decided the gamble was not worth it because that belly is up more often than me in the middle of the night, depending on how stressful the day was so wouldn’t want my tummy smacked on nights like that. No, it’s not worth it.

Ah, I should have powered up my work laptop again to give my boss in Houston the impression that his A1 staff here in Malaysia is a round the clock hard-worker. If he asks me, I’ll tell him I’m working on creating some sophisticated processes for Software Lifecycles and will throw in some intimidating jargons to make an impression. Very busy. Very busy. Then I’ll say, “Oh by the way, can I get a copy of MS Visio on my machine? I need to draw up some flow charts to support my processes. Too bad MS doesn’t have a mind-mapping software, it’ll come in SO handy for my work now!” In actual fact, Miki-C is just kiasu-lar, although I would have to admit that things like MS Visio and Mind mapping software are great things to have on your PC. But still, it’s a good thing my boss doesn’t know about this blog. Or does he?

Sometimes I wish I was one of those who can write about really intelligent stuffs like politics and world economics and such. Imagine, nights like this when I can’t sleep, suddenly I churn out an article that sounds super intelligent like “Capitalism for a Democratic country, Is that still possible?” and I submit it to the Herald Tribune tomorrow and then subsequently win a Nobel prize for it. I tell you, one gift I know for sure I have, is a really vivid imagination.

Have I ever told you before that Narrrling’s ex is a political journalist? She’s one of those who thinks that anyone who don’t know politics are either stupid or retarded. I’m glad I never met her because she would probably have classified me as both of the above. I use to feel intimidated by the thought of a super intelligent ex like her but not anymore. I live a total stress free life with the occasional worry of breakouts and weight-gain while she probably lives her life with the world on her shoulders, de-faming politicians and government bodies as she goes along. Thinking about it, Hollywood movies love to make girls like her the sacrificing, country-loving heroine while girls like me the blonde with big boobs who actually thinks that cheerleading is a career. Me? Cheerleading? It’s as absurd as telling everyone I use to do ballet and was somehow able to support my large mass with my toes and hop around gracefully without causing a domestic earthquake or crashing into the nearest monsoon drain. Seeing my lifetime obsession with my weight, I am probably more of the Bridget Jone-sy kinda type. The kind who almost always feel inferior to the smart and beautiful Claire who’s the ex and the perfect match for the hero. In my case, as long as we don’t bump into the ex one day and she doesn’t start a political debate with Narrrling in front of me, I don’t think I am going to waste my time feeling intimidated by someone from so far back. But if we do, I think there will be quite a scene.

You know, I am guilty of sometimes intentionally falling into the opposite role of the person I’m speaking to. For eg, if some girl came to me and spoke to me in a VERY obvious fake accent, with no hesitation, I start speaking in a VERY local accent. If they said something in some fashionable accent to me, I’ll very loudly reply something that sounds like, “Oh, is it like that ONE AH?”, “Cannot ah? WAH, I didn’t know wor! You so smart ah..”… I did that once to a new girl who joined my company who spoke in some silly American accent. We were in some battle. The more Americanized her accent, the more local mine became. I think after a while she caught the hint and started speaking normal, which was the exact moment I decided to speak normal back to her too. Same goes for someone who brags, I go the total opposites. If they talk about their Gucci shoes, I start talking about the shoes I bought in pasar malam and about how handy they are although in actual fact, I have hardly anything from pasar malam except the fruits in my fridge. So I guess if the ex came about with her political musings, Miki-C will ace the dumb bimbo act of someone who doesn’t even know there’s a voting system in the country.

I remember once I went with Narrrling to a bar back in the Netherlands. Some dutch guy, seeing some Asian girl sitting alone by the bar, probably thought was the greatest opportunity for some bragging. The more he spoke about his expensive shirts, the more I talked about how poor the people in Asia is. People like him probably has no clue where Asia is anyway, so what does it matter? At some point, I told him people in Asia sometimes still wore clothes made out of goat skin and I somehow borrowed the clothes on my back from my dutch bf’s sister. I guess he got the point that I was exaggerating and stopped the silly bragging, which was ofcourse the exact moment I started talking normal about Asians again. I tell you, sometimes Narrrling shouldn’t leave me sitting by myself, because then I’ll have to start spreading false delusions about Asians when some braggers come by. Sorry fellow Asians. If some foreigners stepped down from the plane at your local airport and ask you how come you're not wearing clothes made out of goat skin, you'll know it's Miki-C's doing.

Believe it or not, the night is almost over and I was awake since 2.45am. I could never understand these insomniac losers, I tell you. How difficult is it to go to sleep? Just close your eyes and kaput lar.. That’s why, the lesson we learn tonight is, don’t speak too soon…. Ok-lar, I’m getting dressed to go to work now.. But believe it or not, just when it's about time to go to work, i'm starting to feel sleepy.. Ugggh.. I'm going to have a 'great' day...

posted by Miki-C @ 6:08 AM 2 comments

Canine Tales

Beng and I went on a dog-talk binge recently. Everytime we met up or chatted online, we spent 90% of the time talking about dogs and the rest of the 10% on other topics like American Idol, crystals and La Mer skincare products. Beng is considering which breed to get and me, I just ride on the fantasy that I can get one myself. Unfortunately Narrrling and I live in a condominium and rules in Malaysia aren’t exactly kind or fair towards aspiring dog owners like us. So nope, no dogs for us, but you can’t kill me for fantasizing.

Talking about it so much reminds me of the dogs I use to have when I was living at my parent’s home. The dog that carved the deepest memory in my head was a dog I had about 10 years back. I called him,(note that it’s a ‘him’), “HahhhhNeeeeeeee”…. In other words, “Honey”.

Thinking back now I wonder, what must have been going on in that wind-hollow head of mine to call a male dog by the name of Honey. He must have hated his name, because he grew up into one hell of a nasty dog. Now, it doesn’t seem very nice of me to call a dog nasty, because after all, dogs are famous for being nice and loyal. Honey was loyal, alright… but only to me. Anyone that came near his territory or me is either declared enemy or food. The grown ups were perceived as dinner, the kids were perceived as snacks. Oh man, I can’t even begin to recall the number of family member and friends he bit but for the love of the canines, I protected him.

One fair morning, he bit my mom’s wrists and it snapped some veins. When I heard my mom scream, I ran out and found my mother standing in the middle of a large pool of blood, with more blood still gushing out of her wrist. That was the morning I told myself, love dog or best friend, NOBODY, I repeat, NOBODY hurts my mommy. This insane-dog saga has got to end.

That weekend, I deliberately took an overnight trip to the highlands and told my family to ‘take care’ of Honey. When I came back, Honey’s leash was lying lame on the front porch and he was nowhere to be seen. I felt an ache for the lost of a long time good friend who has along the way, lost his way. I felt like it was my fault because after all, he grew up with me. I asked my family members what they did to Honey and amusingly, none of them told me the same story.

My mom said, “Oh, we released him at the market place and there was so much food there for him. Honey was so happy!”

My dad on a separate incident said, “Oh, we took him to the jungle and released him. He was so happy, he ran and ran. Even when we called him to come back, he didn’t want to come back anymore. Good place. The jungle is a good place for dogs like him..”

The little lies your parents tell when they’re protecting you and the funniest thing is, it never crossed their minds that they should sync their stories before telling me. I think in the end, it was my sister who told me the truth, that they got SPCA to come take him away. Since then, I’ve never really had a dog, not because I’m afraid of dogs that bite, but because I think I realized that keeping a dog is not just playing with him, feeding him and giving him a bath. Sometimes, you form their personality too. It’s more than just keeping them well fed and their fur fluffy but also teaching them, what is right and what is wrong, what is accepted in society and what is not. It’s just like bringing up a child of your own.

posted by Miki-C @ 3:31 PM 2 comments

IT Savvy

Last night Narrrling suddenly dragged me into the study to see something interesting on his computer. He made me sit in front of the computer screen, then gave me a background of what I was about to see.

Of late, Narrrling’s father has been complaining about the church he attends back in Holland, saying that it is a church for “senior citizens”. Young people living in the same area, are either dropping out or staying away from the church, with the mindset of the church being old-fashioned and behind time.

With this, Narrrling’s father, a man of age himself, has recently took up the initiative to plan a re-vamp for the church. Narrrling’s father spent most of his life as a baker, running a bakery in that same little town called Maasluuis at the south of Holland. Only after he retired years later, he started venturing into other hobbies such as traveling and photography and lately, using the computer. And yes, as of today, my father-in-law have not only mastered skills of searching for information via the internet but is also slowly trying to pick up video editing using his computer.

With the project of the church revamp looming overhead, he told Narrrling he will need to explain to the church council what he intends to do and how. Narrrling said, "You mean you need to prepare a proposal and a presentation." So Narrrling gave him a template for a proposal and also suggested he use powerpoint for his presentation.

Although he doesn’t say it, I know Narrrling has always secretly been very proud of his daddy, where a head full of white hair and thick glasses doesn’t once stop him from punching at the keyboard finger by finger whilst slowly but steadily trying to be an IT savvy old man. So what Narrrling was about to show me, was his daddy’s first attempt at using Microsoft Powerpoint. There is only 1 single slide on his powerpoint, presented in Dutch. The moment the file opened up, I couldn’t help but broke into some fits of giggles. Narrrling joined me. Through the irrepressible laughter, I think Narrrling and I, we were both sharing the same thoughts in our head, that we’re sooooo proud of him. And looking at it now still makes me smile.

posted by Miki-C @ 1:44 PM 2 comments

A Life out of the Ordinary

Sometimes I think my life is quite the ordinary just like everyone else’s, I never get chance meetings with aliens, I don’t have a 3rd eye to see spirits(not that I want to), I don’t have gifts to talk to animals, nothing out of this world ever really happens to me… but yet, I have people like Beng and Narrrling around me.

I was chatting with Beng this morning on MSN chat and somehow our topic of conversations drifted to his old days while he was still studying at Oxford.

I typed into my chat, “Beng, I bet all those years you were in the UK, you NEVER saw a single musical play, did you?”

Without hesitation, he replied, “I did, I did, I saw a few in fact..”

“What was it called? Name one. Don’t lie ok”

To this, Beng’s answer popped up on my MSN chat screen, “Swan Leg”

Seeing those words, the first thought that crossed my mind was, “What kind of name for a musical is that? Must be a comedy musical of some sort?” So I asked Beng, “What was it about?”

Beng said, “Oh, it’s a ballet”

“My Goodness, did y ou mean Swan LAKE?”

OMG, what’s next, Beng? Miss Saigon becomes Mist of Saigon? Phantom of the Opera becomes Phantom of the Soap Opera? Starlight Express becomes Starbucks Espresso? SWAN LEG?? Hahahahahahaha…. If you say nothing out of the ordinary ever happens to me, I’d say having an out of this world slapstick like Beng around me really makes up for it.

Then there is Narrrling and his usual funny conducts. We were coming home from dinner earlier this evening and Narrrling once again fell into one of his funny role playing habits, pretending to be some guy checking out my butt from behind.

So yeah, I walked all the way back from the elevator lift to our doorstep with Narrrling behind me, whistling and making lip-smacking noises at my butt(I wonder what the neighbours must think). After coming into the house, I walked straight to my dressing room to change into something comfortable and the ‘pervert in disguise’ naturally follows me. When in the room, I thought, why not join the game and seductively said to Narrrling, “Come and get me, baby” and stripped off my top...

Upon seeing me pull off my blouse, Narrrling suddenly said, “WHAT? You’re a GIRL??! DAMN! I thought you’re a man! A total waste of my time!” and he stomped off…

Left me stunted for 3 seconds before i started laughing... hahahahahah… but ahem, yeah, a bit weird, my hubby,huh? Did I tell you that Narrrling is very versatile when it comes to role-playing?… Today he’s playing a pervert, tomorrow he’s playing a gay pervert. One moment he’s a car running me down as a roadkill, another moment he’s himself, the Unix/Linux geek trying to install something strange called Ubuntu onto his computer (geek stuff!)

So you see, who says you need to meet Big Foot and Nessy to live a life out of the ordinary?

posted by Miki-C @ 9:35 PM 1 comments

I have D-I-D..

I think I have DID. No, this is not a blog about self confessive sluts talking about sexually transmitted diseases(because that's STD, not DID).... Reading this, I think most of my closer friends will immediately translate it to ‘Damsel in Distress’ because that’s also one of my famous traits (especially when a policeman stops me for committing a traffic offence). But today, I’m referring to Dissociative identity disorder. Now, what the hell is that? The definition given by wikipedia is..

"Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual, two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment."

I mean, sometimes I don’t know what to make of myself. With the gweilo hubby and all, one moment I’m trotting about looking like a super SPG, but another moment, I’m secretly driving to work every morning listening to Chinese pop songs and Jacky Cheung.... Whenever Narrrling's not home on one of his far yonder travels, I entertain myself nightly with watching 'Wah Lai Toi' and Chinese drama serials.

Beng, who knows my secret trait, loves to call me on these nights and ask me what I’m watching on TV. “What are you watching, Lin Fa? The O.C? Desperate Housewives? National Geographic? CNN News?”…

Very happily I’ll reply, “No.. I’m watching Tai Kik Cheong Sam Foong!” a.k.a “The Legend of the Tai Chi Master”.. and each time he’ll have such a kick hearing me admit it..

For some reason, it seems very funny when my friends hear me telling them that I luuuurve watching Chinese Drama series…I remember Metria even told me once, that she didn’t know I can speak Chinese... Halllooo… I don’t only speak Chinese, ok, I can speak Mandarin, Cantonese and blardy two types of Hakka ok.. dun pray pray…

Ooops.. the writing of this blog was suddenly interrupted for 3 minutes.. Narrrling recently started this new habit of whenever he sees me sitting comfortably on the carpet, he would come by and push me over to lie flat on my back and then start making noises of a busy road traffic and then crawl over me.. After he crawls over my head, he would say, “Ha ha ha, Roadkill! Roadkill!”…Yeah, a bit weird, my hubby.. But these ‘Roadkill’ moments really cracks me up.. I must say, Narrrling has very creative ways of making people laugh..

Ok, back to my DID problem. One moment I’m married to Narrrling the blue eyed blondie.. Another moment, I’m secretly fantasizing about meeting Jacky Cheung one day and marrying him still… I know, I know, he’s married with 2 kids himself.. I won’t go to hell for fantasizing, right?

Sometimes I think if I was Chinese educated, I will never have this dual personality complex. At least then, the books I read and the TV shows I watch will one way or another collide, isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I also immensely enjoy Western TV shows.. All the weekly series like Desperate Housewives, American Idol, Lost, I must say I will die if I miss a week of it. It is a fact that ‘English’ is my true forte because I express myself best in this language and there are no inhibitions to topics of discussions. But yet I know, Chinese is my mother tongue but sometimes I do feel a bit strange that as my mother tongue, I can never dwell into it any deeper than the basic entertainment because of the inhibitions of not being able to read or write the language.

To conclude, I think over the years, I have learnt to live with my dubious personality. Continue to dress, look and speak like the human sized banana and then ocassionally surprise someone with the ocassional, “Yes, I AM Chinese and I DO speak Chinese and dun pray pray, I know who Jacky Cheung is ok and I love him sooo much”... And for that, poor Narrrling, he still thinks his wife is infatuated with Jacky Chan...Haha... He thinks his wife has got such bad taste..

posted by Miki-C @ 11:20 PM 5 comments

Going off with a loud BAM!

“BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAMM! BAMM!!...”

My goodness, these white shoes I wore to work today look so sweet and dainty (with Swarovski diamonds and all) but they sure make me sound like I’m stomping about with rusty saucepans attached to my feet. Did anyone have the courtesy to tell those shoemakers that it’s not just the design or comfort that matters but also the amount of audible sound it projects when in contact with solid surfaces?

The problem with these shoes is that they tend to exaggerate the mass that's wearing them. Hell, BigFoot might choose to wear white crystal studded heels and pay a visit to KL for a change of atmosphere.

Oh dear, what must my colleagues think?

“BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!...”

“There, Ms Loud Shoes going to the toilet again... "

“BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!...”

“Her majesty announcing her arrival again..."

“BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!..”

“Ms Saucepan Feet going to the pantry now”

“BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!”

“The elegant Miss BigFoot crossing by again”

You wait lah! Tomorrow, I’m going to wear to work, my ballet slippers from 16 years ago!! See still got sound or not! That will keep me nice and quiet for a while... Nobody calls me Saucepan Feet ok, NOBODY!

posted by Miki-C @ 4:29 PM 2 comments

Husband of Mysterious Lane

Narrrling has been acting strange lately. It started last Tuesday when he suddenly, out of the blue, said he’s sick of life and wants to take the day off from work and just do nothing at home. Upon hearing that, it got me worried sick because I know by nature, Narrrling is one of the most optimistic person I know. Everything and everyone in life is always good to him and he constantly thinks that we’re a lucky bunch. He’s the kind who’ll look at our messy house, which has not been cleaned in weeks, and sincerely say, “Wow, I love this place and I’m so lucky to have you”.

So when he suddenly told me he wanted to take the day off because he’s sick of work and sick of life? Now statements like that from Narrrling would seriously summon a great deal of worry from anyone around him who knows him well. What made me feel even worse was when I asked him if he’d like me to stay home with him that day, “I could work from home and stay with you, you know.”.

Without hesitation and with a defeated tone, he said “No, it’s ok. You go to work.”

What? Normally at the suggestion, Narrrling’s eyes will light up and with a twinkle, he’d say, “Could you really?”

That day, I went to work but my thoughts were constantly thinking of home and what’s going on with my Narrrling. Could it be that the project in Hanoi last week really tired him out? Could it be the promotion he wanted to get but didn’t? Could it be me? Could it be the ex? I must have called him 8 times at least that day. I hated myself for it and it wasn’t because I didn’t trust him being alone but I was constantly wondering what he was up to and what was going on in his thoughts. I found all sorts of excuses to call him and everytime I did, he seem to be normal. Earlier in the day he was playing some games at home, then later he went out and did some errands. It all sounded normal to me though he didn’t sound very happy and that chirpy tone in his voice was not present. When I got home that day, he was very much back to his normal self again. I tried a couple of times to wring some kind of deep thoughts from his head but failed miserably because everything seems well according to Narrrling.

In the next few days, Narrrling was back to his old self and I, slowly started to put the whole chapter behind me and classified it as a once off depression, maybe a male version of a period thing. Just when I was about to forget the whole incident, came Narrrling’s second wave of strange behavior.

On Friday night, before we fell asleep, Narrling suddenly asked me, “How well do you think you know me?”

“Quite well, I think.”

Narrrling said, “How well do you think I know you?”

“I think you know me better than I know you.”

Narrrling said, “Really? Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you that well. I can predict what my sister does but till now, some things you do still surprises me. It’s nothing bad, but I just feel that I’m still learning to know you”

Some people say, you are telepathic to your spouse’s thoughts because you are tuned to his pattern of behavior and therefore, you are more inclined to know what he will do and say next.

Narrrling and I were supposed to send our new car to be serviced last Saturday morning. For some strange reason, Narrrling became rather anal about getting up early to get it done on Saturday morning. You see, Narrrling is the last person I know who’ll want to get up early on a Saturday morning.

Something about Narrrling wanting to get up early on a Saturday morning, raised yet another flag in my head. I quietly went along with it. After we were done with the car, I suggested we went for breakfast at his favourite mamak stall. To my surprise, he said "No. I want to go home". This time, I insistently asked him why, why, why? He didn’t want to tell and was dodging answers with some silly jokes/excuses of wanting to go home to use the toilet. I went along with it, joking about his toilet urges ruling his head and foregoing a delicious meal of juicy ‘Roti Pisang’ and “Roti Tisu”. In my head I thought, something’s not right again.

As I was scheduled to meet my own friends that morning, I drove off to my friend’s place shortly after that, with an unsettled mind, leaving a very mysterious Narrrling at home.

I think I must have spent a good few hours at my friend’s place, the few of us as usual, talking and laughing about silly things, when suddenly Narrrling called me. “Will you be out for a long time more??”, Narrrling says.

“I think I’ll be here for another hour then I’ll be home. Why?”

“Just checking, that’s all.” Narrrling replied.

Now, something about Narrrling’s tone and the way he phrased his question gave me that X-files feeling again. I really should go home and find out what’s happening. Those thoughts stayed on my mind for 5 minutes then I forgot all about it when the conversation with my friends took an interesting turn.

Two hours later, I made my way home and was reminded again of Narrrling’s strange behavior all morning. Walking up to my doorsteps, I was asking myself if there’s anything I could do to try to understand Narrrling better, if it’s normal for a wife to sometimes have no clue what the other half is up to.

With a mind full of thoughts, I put the key through the keyhole and opened the door to our house. And there, right smack in the middle of the living room, stands a new shiny black piano. I drew in my breath sharply and stared at this new majestic addition to our living room and out of nowhere, Narrrling jumped out in front of me and with a huge grin, said, “SUPRISE!”

The piano is yet another wedding gift for me. Narrrling said, he’s been planning it since last Tuesday. He took the day off to go pay for the piano. It was a piano I saw and fell in love with weeks ago when we were shopping. I’ve been talking about it ever since and was going to buy it on a 36 months installment (because of my pathetic bank account). I was going to call the lady in the piano shop to ask if they take payment terms of 36 months. Narrrling told the lady to tell me that the piano is sold off. And here, before I even made that call to the lady, the piano is right here sitting in my living room. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Narrrling said later, he was anxious to get home this morning because the piano was going to be delivered between 10 to 11am, explaining why he rejected the delicious ‘roti pisang’ and called me to find out when I was coming home from my friend’s house so that he can stand-by to jump out and say, “Surprise!”.

Goodness, what can i say, it was a great suprise indeed! and thank you sooooooooooooo much Narrrling!!!

PS: Marriage D'Amour here i come!

posted by Miki-C @ 12:09 PM 8 comments